Red...

All these years, I have sat at this distance and watched you. I have watched you work, I have watched you love, I have watched the world watching you. Praising you. Tearing you down. I have listened to your words and read your apology. 

And it was said to be red. 

And, from where you stand, you have watched me rise, you have watched me fall, you have brought me to my feet and down upon my knees. In ecstasy and in anguish. You have loved me longer than anyone and you have never missed a chance to prove it.

And it was said to be red. 

We've made mistakes in front of each other and we've made mistakes in front of the world. We have named names, we have angered the dead and we have trampled flags, we have written our way into their hearts and written our way into their hate. We have fallen apart and we have come together and I have loved you for the world to see.

And it was said to be red. 

We have made each other happy, we have maddened each other, we have pulled the covers over our heads and held on to each other for dear life. We have been safe, we have been reckless, letting go and holding on all at the same time. We have been touched. We have been tasted.

And it was said to be red. 

So that now, here I sit, at this distance, watching you, listening. Recounting the days, the months, the years, the very moments that brought us here to this place. Surrounded by friends, wrapped in comfort, as the morning meets us, as the sun creeps above the palms and into this space.

And it was said to be red. 

I bare my heart before you and you rest your head upon my chest, listening as it pumps love. I wrap my legs between yours and our toes dance beneath the linen, our hands grasping each other, our fingers interlocked, afraid to let go. My hair, pulled high above my neck, exposing the number 56 inscribed there. Gently, you kiss it.

And it was said to be red. 

And it was said to be read... 

Back To You...

You hate it when I'm emotional.

You hate it when I'm emotion null.

You write songs and I write everything else. You name me and I number you.

56. 

I body you.

I bow to you.

I kissed you this morning. 

I looked at you as you fell into me and it was a crime as you felon to me as you stole my heart in the hills, this morning.

This mourning. 

We are just as we were and nothing like we used to be as pieces of us have died and been buried along the way.

How long the way. 

We were kids back then.

We were us, two. 

We are rust, too. 

Decaying away, tarnishing, eating at the platinum and the gold and the goal was to walk away before you pushed me out today.

Out to day. 

We are close and we are distant, we are everything and we are nothing. We are conundrums in songs and in books.

Money, hoes, clothes, verses, bars, and prose. 

Versus bars and prose. 

And it seems we can only communicate this way.

The right way. 

The write way. 

The rite way.

The religion that is this gust.

The religion that is disgust.

I wrapped you in my arms this morning and was showered by your hair, strangled by its grip, entangled by the years I spent there.

Lost in you.

Loss in you. 

These six years. 

These sex years. 

Fuck! 

And the saddest part of it all is that, one day, I will die never really having been with the only man I love, unconditionally, no questions, no answers. That there will always be this hole, this stain, this whole, disdain.

This road back to you.

Back to you. 

Huffington Post Live...

Here is my appearance on Huffington Post Live with Nancy Redd and guests Brandon Wade (Seeking Arrangement) and Eleven8 (Baller Alert). This segment aired live, today.

Do Him Ease...

You spend most of your life being anxious about your relationships, watching the phone, hoping he calls, wondering when he'll let you meet his friends and family.

You watch the calendar, counting the days, weeks, months, and years you've been together, wondering when things will get better or when they'll fall apart.

You watch the clock, counting the minutes and hours since his last call, wondering why it's been so long since you've spoken, even though it's only been an hour.

And when he says he's having a bad day, you wonder if it's something you've done. And when he says he's having the best day, you hope it's because of you.

You spend so many years, from the day you first discovered boys until right now, thinking and over-thinking your way through all your relationships until one day...

...you meet someone who puts you at ease.

And, all of a sudden, you don't do any of the things you've done before. You're so secure in the nature and definitions of your relationship with him and you surprise yourself when the end of the day has come and you haven't looked at your phone once.

You haven't wagered for his attention or doubted for one second that, even and especially when he is away from you, he thinks of you often and always.

You are so secure in the truths that bind you together that the malicious what-ifs that have flooded your mind since you were a girl have wained and come to an absolute halt.

And you are, finally, at ease.

And just like that, there are no questions, no worries, no stresses. There are just two people who seem to understand and know eachother enough to give one another what they need. And, in return for your comfort, you offer him a brand of your own.

Hoping it may do him ease.

Weekly Mask Routine with Juice Beauty x Queen Helene

Naturally, I get alot of questions about my skin. That's because it's so gorgeous. But, I digress.

Not really.

I have already discussed my daily routine in prior posts wherein I use only Juice Beauty organic products, as I have for the past several years. Now, in my weekly mask routine, I use mostly Juice Beauty products and one old-school product –– Queen Helene's Mud Pack Masque.

Here's how it goes:

1. Apply Queen Helene's Mud Pack Mask to clean, dry skin. Let dry and harden 15 minutes.
2. Remove mud mask with wet, hot rag then wash face with Juice Beauty's Blemish Clearing Cleanser. Dry face.
3. Apply Juice Beauty's Green Apple Peel. Let dry 15 minutes.
4. Remove peel with wet, hot rag then rinse with very warm water.
5. Apply Juice Beauty's Rejuvenating Mask. Let dry 15 minutes.
6. Remove mask with wet, hot rag then wash face with Blemish Clearing Cleanser. Dry face and continue with daily Juice Beauty routine.

And there you have it! I am planning on changing this routine a bit by replacing my Queen Helene with a Juice Beauty equivalent since this mud mask is the only non-organic item in my daily beauty routine. I'll let you know how that goes.

Happy beautification!

Fuck!

And just when you think you're free to be alone, someone breezes into your life and you can't imagine going a day without him. When you find yourself greeted by the sun, he is the first thing on your mind and, as you lay your head upon your pillow at day's end, he is the last. Throughout your day, you find yourself preoccupied with thoughts of him between the responsibilities of work and life and all you can think of is sharing it all with him.

You are overwhelmed with the feeling of giving a fuck.

Fuck!

And It Pumps Love...

It comes from the strangest of places. You're just there, going about your life, moving forward from wherever you've been with no concerns for anyone else when, all of sudden, you're struck. 

And your heart skips a beat. 

And, then, two. 

And, though he may have awakened something inside of you, he's not the reason you feel this way. 

It's you. 

You are amazed by your own resilience and ability to be distracted by matters of the heart. You are flabbergasted by your innate need to love and be loved, to want and be wanted, to need and be needed.

You can't believe how human you still are. 

So that every time you see his face or hear the phone ring, you smile and a small portion of your protective wall crumbles. Each time you feel frustrated by him or lonely without him, you know it's because you're alive and the blood coursing through your veins actually reaches your heart.

And it pumps love. 

Vulnerable...

I struggle with being vulnerable as I have realized I have taken on the personalities of the people who have hurt me as if the only way to beat them is to become them. I have hardened in places that were once soft in an effort to protect, wondering if I am doing more harm than good.

Doing the Work...

The messages are pouring in... 

"Karrine, why aren't you blogging?" 

Honestly, I have nothing to say. I am so content with where I am and how I feel that there is nothing to say.

Right now, there is only being. 

For the past several weeks, I have been working closely with the authors I have signed to Steffans Publishing, helping them prepare their autobiographies and, all of a sudden, my entire career makes sense. 

Being able to give others a voice and to help these women work through their toughest memories and the events and people they had hoped to forget, has been quite an experience for me and has revealed more of my purpose.

I have had a significant amount of success in publishing and have learned the ins and outs of the industry over the past eight years. I have studied and honed my craft as an author, editor and now, publisher. 

I know how this machine works. 

I have ventured off into the world of television with small steps being made to diversify my portfolio as a writer but, there is something about a memoir that keeps calling me back. Still, more times than not, I have nothing to say of my life. More times than not, I'd rather live my life than write about it.

God knows there is so much left unsaid and I quite like it that way. 

But, I've done my work. I have stood out in my field and sold books to people around the world. I'm still selling books to people around the world. But what about those who haven't been given the opportunities I have? 

Why not pay those opportunities forward? 

Why not use what I have learned to help others who will, undoubtedly, help others?

And my purpose for this stage of my life becomes clear.

So, I haven't been blogging much but I have been writing –– I have been writing the life stories of some pretty extraordinary women who have lived through events with the weight to break them. 

But, they remain unbroken. 

There is much healing to be done and dark roads to traverse, down which I will hold their hands. I know where they are because I have been there before and unlike other publishers, I am not a machine gathering cogs but a woman who has done what I am asking of my writers.

Together, we are doing the work. 

Here's the Thing...

You've looked at our relationship from this angle and that and you still can't understand it. You think it's one thing when it's the complete opposite and when I say I love him, you think that means something it doesn't.

You try to guess and imagine and you're always wrong. 

But, let me tell you one thing you haven't figured. When you're finished pretending like you love me, when you've shown your true colors, and said and done the most horrible shit to me –– when you have crushed my spirit and broken my heart and when I am down, even at my lowest...

...he's the one who will pick me up. 

He will do so when you have gone just as he has when all the others left.  He will say or do something that'll remind me of who I am and of who you're not. Without even trying or knowing, he will motivate me to excel and encourage me to, simply, not give a single, solitary fuck about you or anyone else who doesn't add to my happiness. 

So, here's the thing...

I will always love him and he will always be a part of my story.

And I will never be able to say the same about you.

It Just Is...

It's hard to explain.

Even though I wrote a whole book about it, I'll never be able to explain it. For years, no matter what, he's been there. Even when he was gone, he was there.

Other people come and go but he always, no matter what, stays.

He may not be all mine, he may not be the best, but he's here even when I'm not at my best. We say things, we do things, we hurt one another, other people hurt us but they don't matter and our wounds heal when we're together.

Our wounds heal when we're together.

People always ask me why I don't just leave him. He'll never be with me. I'd never be with him. I'm married. He's everywhere. He said this about me in that song and this song.

Why am I still here?

Because no matter what we've done, no matter where we've been, no matter where we'll end up, we are connected by one thing and one thing only.

Unconditional love.

I depend on that love when someone breaks my heart. It is to him I run. And I know he depends on me and, when he does, I am there.

Never a question, never a denial.

I don't care where he's been and he cares nothing of where I was the second before I fall into his arms. I don't share in his world and he doesn't participate in mine. We create our own where only we live, love, and know.

And when I am broken into a million fucking pieces, it is he who makes me whole, who picks me up from the floor and reminds me he provides a greater love than that of any other man.

He never leaves me.

He never leaves me.

So, the world doesn't have to understand as long as I understand and he knows that there is no amount of miles, no amount of arguments, lovers, or lies that could make me turn my back on him or force him to walk away from me.

It's not easy.

It's not perfect.

It just is.

56.

Healthy Fast Food, At Home!

Some days, I don't feel much like cooking but I still would like to eat healthily. I don't want fast food but I like to pay fast food prices. So, I want healthy food, I want it fast, and I want it cheap.

Sounds impossible, right?

Not if there is a Trader Joe's nearby!

Today, for lunch, I made portobello mushrooms stuffed with crab cakes, a three rice medley, and asparagus. I made it all in under 15 minutes and for under $11.00!

Here is my shopping list:

• Rice Medley (3 bags per box): $3.49 
• Crab Cakes (2 per package): $3.29
• Portobello Mushrooms (2 per package) $2.99
• Asparagus: $0.99

All for a grand total of just $10.76!

This meal was a cinch to make and even easier to teach to my teenage son and his mustache. Here's what we did:

• Brush both sides of mushrooms with olive oil, sprinkle with salt, pepper, and garlic. Place in the oven (below top rack)  to broil. Turn often.
• Place crab cakes in a frying pan with a bit of olive oil and/or butter to brown. Turn ever so often until both sides are beautifully browned.
• Place asparagus in large frying pan with a bit of olive oil and/or butter. Be sure to wash asparagus and cut them 2 inches from the bottom. Shake pan often to roll asparagus. Remove when they turn a bright shade of green.
• Place rice in microwave for just 3 minutes.

When all are done, place crab cakes inside mushroom and place a portion of the rice and asparagus on the side. This was enough food for the both of us and there are still 2 bags of rice left over for other meals!

Amazing.

Make Over Month: My 10 Step AM/PM Routine Featuring Juice Beauty

Lies Monkeys Tell: The Nigger News Network Edition

So, I've been hearing about this list of people I have allegedly slept with and rated that has been circulating around the internet for God knows how long. I, personally, have no interest in it, knowing it's filled with the lies monkeys tell. But, recently, I had a thought:

All the men on this list have families and I feel bad for them that their names are also being dragged through the mud so maliciously.

So, let's clear this up right now: 

I copied and pasted this list from some site frequented by monkeys with wifi:

• Mystikal: Never been with
• Trick Daddy: Never met
• Twista: Never met
• Will Smith: Never met
• Xzibit: See Confessions of a Video Vixen
• Kool G Rap: See Confessions of a Video Vixen
• Talib Kweli: Never met
• Redman: Never been with
• Black Thought: Who the fuck is this?
• Russel Simmons: Never been with
• Khujo from Goodie Mob: Who the fuck is this?
• Ja Rule: See Confessions of a Video Vixen
• Jay-Z: See Confessions of a Video Vixen
• OutKast - Both: Never met either
• Pete Rock: Never met
• Puff Daddy: See Confessions of a Video Vixen
• Rakim: Never met
• Mobb Deep - Havoc: Never met
• M.O.P. - Both: Never been with either
• Nas: Never been with
• Nelly: Never been with
• Scarface: Never met
• Snoop Dogg: Never met
• Ol’ Dirty Bastard: never met
• Clipse - Both: Never met
• Common: Never been with
• Da Brat: Never been with
• Mos Def: Never met
• Timbaland: Never been with
• Too $hort: Never been with
• Q Tip: Never met
• Mase: Never met
• Master P: Never met
• Method Man: See Confessions of a Video Vixen & The Vixen Diaries
• Missy Elliott: Never met
• 50 Cent: Never been with
• Big Punisher: Dude is dead tho. Never met.
• Busta Rhymes: Never been with
• Canibus: Never met
• Noreaga: Never met
• Lil Wayne: See How To Make Love To A Martian
• Kanye West: Never met
• KRS-One: Never been with
• LL Cool J: Never been with
• The LOX - All of them: Never met
• Ludacris: Never been with
• DMX: See Confessions of a Video Vixen
• Fabolous: Never been with
• Fat Joe: Never met
• Wyclef: Never met
• Ghostface Killah: Never met

And what's this thing about Boris Kodjoe ? Never met that person, either.

Now, if you monkeys would get the fuck outta here and take your seats with you, that would be great. 

Sad part is, this list and the fact that I don't know or never been with most of these people won't circulate as fast as the lies monkeys tell. And that's why I don't fuck with you people. 

Deuce Deuce. 

Make Over Month: New Juice Beauty Swag

It's here!

It's here!

My new Juice Beauty shipment has arrived! First, thank you to the lovely ladies at JB for sponsoring half of my shipment and for the amazing PROMO CODES they gave us this month, for our Third Annual Make Over Month!

In case you missed them, here they are:

KARRINE15: $15 off $75 or more plus FREE sample trio

KARRINE50: $50 off $300 or more plus FREE sample trio

Orders over $125 get a FREE deluxe size Green Apple Cleansing gel

I am so looking forward to diving into my new shipment and giving you guys an updated AM/PM Routine as well as my Weekly Facial Routine.

I urge you to take advantage of these promo codes while we have them!

Here is my favorites list:

• Blemish Clearing Cleanser ($22)
• Hydrating Mist ($22)
• Blemish Clearing Serum ($29)
• Antioxidant Serum ($45)
• Stem Cellular Repair Moisturizer ($65)
• Stem Cellular Repair Eye Treatment ($45)
• Green Apple Peel full Strength ($45)
• Organic Facial Rejuvenation Mask ($32)

For beginners and those on a budget, do try one of the Juice Beauty Kits and Value Sets. I recommend Organics to Clear Skin and the Organics to Go sets.

New routine tutorials to follow!

Make Over Month: 30-Day Squat Challenge

Here we go, girls!

Bathing suit season is here, for some of us, and on its way for others. And, let's be honest, that ass has fallen a little bit since the winter. I'll be starting the 30 Day Squat Challenge today and I encourage you to do it with me.

I'll take photos along the way, every week, to share my progress.

Now, this is just for your backside and bottom half. Most women have other concerns and need a little guidance in order to keep the rest of their bodies fit but can't afford a trainer. Here's a solution for those of you with iPhones and maybe Androids...

The Nike Training Club app is built with women in mind and it's free! The app is no punk, though. You will sweat and see your body change and fast! I focus on short workouts (usually around 30 minutes) twice a day. Some equipment is required so use your local gym or improvise with items around the house.

Get that body into shape, do it now, and do it for free!

Make Over Month: Adventures in Waxing

So, um...

I decided to share a tiny bit of my waxing routine with you this Makeover Month. Now, most people wouldn't share such intimate details but, in case you're new around, I'm not like most people.

I give less fucks than most anyone.

So, here's a little clip of my under arms being waxed as well as my...well...you'll see.

Enjoy the cake, boys.

Make Over Month: Electrolyte Enhanced Water

Every Makeover Month, I preach and preach about the importance of water. You would think it would be a given that we all drink that 8 glasses of water they told us we needed back in grade school health class. But, unfortunately, most people don't drink enough water!

I get alot of questions, almost daily, about my health and beauty routines and one of the most important rituals in either routine is my vast consumption of water. Personally, I prefer to drink electrolyte enhanced water.

Electrolytes are key in the process of rehydration. The more water you drink, the more you go potty, the more dehydrated you can become. You see, too much water can be a bad thing! So, I stick to 2 liters of electrolyte enhanced water a day.

Here is what you need to know about electrolytes:

In oral rehydration therapy, electrolyte drinks containing sodium and potassium salts replenish the body's water and electrolyte levels after dehydration caused by exercise,excessive alcohol consumption, diaphoresis, diarrhea, vomiting, intoxication or starvation. Athletes exercising in extreme conditions (for three or more hours continuously e.g.marathon or triathlon) who do not consume electrolytes risk dehydration (or hyponatremia).[1]

A simple electrolyte drink can be home-made by using the correct proportions of water, sugar, salt, salt substitute for potassium, and baking soda.[2]

Electrolytes are commonly found in fruit juices, coconut water, sports drinks, milk, and many fruits and vegetables (whole or in juice form) (e.g. potatoes, avocados). -Wikipedia

So, as we start to get ready for the summer, be sure to drink lots of water. You will see a glow in your skin and you'll notice your body becoming more regular as water will also help with digestion.

Drink up!

Make Over Month: Beeswax Lip Balm

Don't leave your lips unprotected this Spring, or any other season for that matter. But, take a look at the lip balm you are currently using and its ingredients.

In brands like Chap Stick and Carmex, you'll find a list of fragrances, camphor or menthol, and petroleum. Now, think about this –– all of the icky ingrdeients in your lip balm end up in your mouth and, eventually, in your system.

Yuck!

Switch to a naturally derived lip balm (or make your own) and "bee" healthy!

Make Over Month: H&M, The Gap, & Zara

Today, I went shopping for my trip to New York and the Spring, in general. I focused on tees and jeans, got a couple of longer skirts. I shopped at H&M, The Gap, and Zara. As I start piecing my new outfits together and wearing them during my trip, I will post each outfit and from where I purchased each piece. 

I went to H&M for those non-traditional pieces at super reasonable prices. I hate shopping there, though. It's like a garage sale with shit everywhere and nothing is organized. My OCD brain can't take it so I just grabbed a few pieces and hightailed it out of there.

I went to The Gap for me essentials. I love The Gap. I love it's plain, Hamptons casual style –– dark blue denim and white tees, khakis and a little pop of color in a striped tee. I love classics and the rich look you can achieve for not much money. So, I got plenty of everyday pieces to mix with the edgier pieces I got from H&M.

At Zara, I just picked up a couple pieces because they tend to be very pricey for no damn reason. Much of their clothing has such poor quality and you have to know what to get and what not to get at that place. Found an awesome motorcycle jacket and a formal top for which I hope to find a skirt at Betsey Johnson before I leave for New York.

Anyway, photos of my traveling wardrobe are to come, beginning Sunday night! Stay tuned!